For the Grieving Heart

College. It’s a strange experience, being away from home and getting adjusted to a new life with new faces, new foods, new routines, and new desires. This season has been stained with tears and laughter, as well as silence and song. I pondered this transition for years. Now I’m here. I’m in a college lecture hall waiting between my Church Ministry class and my Global Youth Culture class. I’m staring at the blank whiteboard with the scent of pumpkin lotion on my hands. I’m feeling a lot of strong emotions, and as I look back on this past year I can see the faithfulness of the Lord.

What has brought me to this place? It’s not one of dissatisfaction or distaste. It is a place of curiosity and revelation. Moving off to school has evoked this desire for connection and hominess. I long to be hospitable and to create in the ways my hands were fashioned for. I’m not limited here, but I miss the warmth of home. I miss the hugs of my family and GOOD GRAVY, I MISS TACO SOUP. Yet as the trees hint at winter arriving, I can understand the necessity of changing seasons. Life does not stop in the winter. It only shifts. Things are happening underground in my heart to produce new blossoms. I know it’s coming.

While I would not call this “winter,” I would consider it a forming time. I’m used to seeing the outward fruit and feeling a part of every ministry I desire. Now, the Lord is showing me what it looks like to steward new beginnings. It is something He is Master of. This time of life brings so many questions, such as ‘What is next?’, ‘Do I follow the typical American adolescent route?’, and ‘Am I taking the reins or letting God lead my life?’ And instead of forming my own plan, I’m learning to surrender each day to Him as an offering.

The seasons in nature are predictable. The seasons of our lives, not so much. When seasons change, grief follows closely—grief of what once was and what will never return. Sometimes it is losing people or sweet pets. Sometimes it is letting go of traditions that have lasted decades. Sometimes, it is simply acknowledging that childhood has ended.And that grief takes many forms. Getting older comes with pains. Watching those around me change and coming home to new roads and ways of life has shaken me up a bit. Yes, life is cyclical, but it also is ever-changing. This seems to be the way of the Lord.  He reminds us through these shifting circumstances of life that He alone is constant.

I do not know what your story holds. I do not know what pain you have experienced or what memories comfort you in your “winters”. But I know that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He not only grieves loss with you, but He assures you that He will turn that grief into dancing and will gird you with gladness (Psalm 30:11). I pray that your heart would be comforted as time passes, knowing that God is outside of time and that one day we will be joined with Him as His saints in glory. This life is only a glimpse of what is to come. Take hope, my friend.

In Him,

 Kate