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About a year ago the reality of God’s love fully awakened me. His closeness suddenly swarmed my thoughts, forcing me to conclude His deep passion was just to know me. It was unlike anything I had experienced or had heard preached. I had understood who God was but not personally. I did not grasp how His Spirit wanted to entangle Himself in my entire being. What was this fire? This zeal that pushed me to venture through Scripture with a seeking mind? The door was opened. As I began persistently putting my confusions and wonders onto paper, the Lord began to write my story with a pen I finally noticed. I would journal problems and struggles and He would work them out. The once collecting-dust notebook was now tattered with testimonies. YHWH was faithful. He did not care that I had missed His Presence all this time. Instead, He was beyond gracious in providing me with people, opportunities, and conversations. He was the center. He was the orchestrator. He was beginning to open my heart for what was to come. My Love, my God.

Ephesians 1:13-14 says,

“In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory.” The Holy Spirit has sealed me of my salvation. The unexpected shift in my walk with Jesus came from Him. I was saved when I was four… or five… or six. Honestly, from the time I can remember I have been saved. And it was true, I confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that Jesus was Lord. But the Holy Spirit hadn’t caught me off guard. In fact, He was nothing more to me than Holy air. I knew He was always there, but I did not know of His marvelous, miraculous power. Most churches nowadays ignore Him too. They suppress His power, limit His gifts, and turn down the charisma because it’s “too crazy” and “too wild” for a church service. Proper, Biblical charisma comes from the Greek, χάρισμα which according to Blue Letter Bible’s Lexicon means, “A divine gift of grace; a favor which one receives without any merit of his own.” What we receive from the Holy Spirit has nothing to do with what we’ve done. It’s a promise. He has gifts that are meant to edify us, the church, and non-believers.

Luke 11:10, 13 provides the answer for the searching.

“For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” It’s simple! When you ask for the Holy Spirit, He will fill you. It does not have to do with feelings. Just ask, receive, believe. Last year, as I began to study and crave something more, my church began a series on Acts. The messages seemed to align with every question I was having about God’s Spirit. Sitting in the back row I began to feel the intense urge to be re-water baptized. I stood up and obeyed. It was an essential step because I had been carrying hurt, baggage, anger, and unforgiveness whilst trying to manage Jesus as my side gig. It was time for Him to be my focal point. My all and all. The following weeks brought more spiritual warfare than I had ever experienced. Doubt of my identity flooded my mind. Insecurity crept in. What now? I pleaded with God intensely during those weeks. My spirit ached for Him. I needed the immersion and baptism of the Holy Spirit desperately. Jesus was Lord of my Life, but my flesh was weak. I needed the constant aid of the supernatural.

I remember when it happened so simply, but also in intricate detail. It was church camp summer 2022. That early July morning I had a sweet, tender gathering with the Lord alone like I had usually done out by the water. I was in awe of the stillness of the waves and the movement of the wind. He had led me to 1st Corinthians 12-14- talking about spiritual gifts. As I read these chapters over and over I began to be drawn to another side of God I hadn’t noticed before. His breath. Walking back through the woodsy trails, seeing the students converse as we headed to small groups, I knew I needed something spiritually. I sat down. My small group leader locked eyes with me. While I began to talk about my yearning for more of the Holy Spirit she interrupted, “Kate” she said, “Has someone ever laid hands on you to be fully filled with the Holy Spirit?” In that exact second my heart started pounding, I knew He was drawing me in and He wanted it to be a circumstance I would fully remember. That night she laid hands on me and prayed I would be filled with the fire and passion of the Spirit. Unknowingly, words of knowledge came for strangers in the room. Like a faint whisper in my ear the Lord began to speak. I had never heard Him so clearly. I walked around and prayed for whomever He highlighted. It was my first taste of the miraculous. About an hour later, the soft worship continued and I knelt down on the floor and shed two tears. This was the start of something entirely new. I spent the whole time on the bus ride home in prayer. Even got to be a part of the healing of a woman in a gas station. The same counselor that prayed for me to be filled told me to pray over this woman’s life and my tongue became numb with the words I was speaking. I say all this to show the transformation that came from surrendering to the Spirit. I have done nothing. But God filled me with His mighty power so heavily that night it set my soul ablaze. I have not been the same since.

Talking about this often raises questions among modern-day evangelicals. Many of whom argue the gifts of the Spirit were only for the progression of the early church. I believe God desires for us to walk in His Spirit constantly and that cannot be done without signs, wonders, and miracles following! Mark 16:17-18 says clearly,

“And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” My question posed to the church now is, are these signs proof of your belief? We should be seeing constant evidence of the Holy Spirit at work within our daily lives, homes, and churches. The calling for believers is to take action. Cast out the demons. Speak with new tongues. Lay hands on the sick, Jesus says they WILL recover. I was completely blind to the resurrecting power the Holy Spirit had accessible to me. Luke 10:19 says,

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” There is a firm power available to any believer that is of the Almighty. He longs for us to speak with authority, take back what the enemy has stolen, and walk without harm.

I came home from camp the following weekend and with tears streaming down my face and told my Mom how God had powerfully filled me. I felt so unworthy of this gift. I felt too young and truly lacked the Biblical knowledge I believed was necessary for me to steward this fire. God led me right back to Scripture. He showed me verses that confirmed I was not crazy and brought people into my life that knew how to disciple me. For example, a girl who had just come back from YWAM (Youth With A Mission) sat on my bedroom floor and willingly answered the piles upon piles of questions I had. She taught me about the differing gifts of the Spirit and how they manifest. My eyes widened knowing this really was it. God was not just messing with me or getting my hopes up. He had given me something deeper, something richer that I was innately knit for. God is full of beauty. Everything about Him is so wondrous. How blessed are we to experience Him on the daily?

As I learned about the Secret Place and began to hear God’s gentle, calm, and comforting voice, my urge to walk in these gifts and speak the Name of Jesus over issues grew. The peace came. My love for Jesus increased. Seeing Him as the Author and Finisher of my faith became ever-so real. Me, the stubborn, stuck-up, sinner had encountered Jesus. All because He wanted to show Himself. Oh how loving our God is. I don’t deserve Him. But He graciously saved me and filled me with His Spirit so I can lead a life worthy of the Gospel. May His glory and power be seen here on earth through believers fully. May we not settle for a portion of our inheritance. May we receive the full abundance of what God has for us so we can make disciples of all nations, baptizing in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

“Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.” John 16:9

Written by Kate, 05/11/23